Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So many bounce houses so little time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
