u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
