You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
false alarm, still single
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
