They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
