my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
