Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize