I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
