I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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