have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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