I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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