Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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