i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
