I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
