Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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