um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
