As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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