So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
