Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
