Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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