my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
