One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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