My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
