I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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