absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
