well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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