I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
