I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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