You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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