I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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