currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
