I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
