I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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