He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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