he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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