Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
