I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we're chasing vodka with high fives
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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