So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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