im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
