so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
