I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Farmville is her only friend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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