A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He did a backflip because drugs
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