I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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