I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
