theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
