My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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