ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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