you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
