I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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