College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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