I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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