I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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