i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
