hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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