I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize