His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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