Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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