If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
