I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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