Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
