she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
