so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
