Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
