what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
