I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want nice things and good sex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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