I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
