I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
