i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
