i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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