i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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