I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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