The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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