The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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