Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
