I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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