Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
