his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
