when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
not ubering you a puppy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
