Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
