I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
